i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
