I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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