Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
