Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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