Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
