what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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