Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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