just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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