ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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