peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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