im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
