My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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