Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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