its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
