Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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