Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
