toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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