I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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