suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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