So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
