I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
