i think my tv is drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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