singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
