Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
