While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She bit a glass in half.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
