Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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