How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
