Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
