Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
