He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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