I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
