Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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