i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize