I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
