My friends, they love my intelligence
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
