He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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