You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
