the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your dad touched me again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
