you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
