either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
