so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So. Much. Porn.
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