You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
