Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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