The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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