Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
