weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
