I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
