yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
