my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
