I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
