I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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