I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
