I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
