thus making me awesome and them whores
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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