her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
