I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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