umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
