4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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