At least make sure they are 18
Why
This is not my ceiling
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
