were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
