its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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