Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
