ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
