We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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