Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
