Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
