I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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