Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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