oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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