im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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