theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
