You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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