i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
