so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
