he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
