yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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