I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
