I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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