So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FUCK WHALES
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
