i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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