3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
