he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You are a genius and a whore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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